Nobody Told Me Marriage Was Mostly Small Things

By Alexandria Dunigan

June 16, 2026

When I was growing up, I thought I had marriage all figured out.

Like most little girls, I grew up watching Disney movies. Sleeping Beauty. Cinderella. Beauty and the Beast. We were taught that one day we'd meet a prince, fall in love, and ride off into the sunset. Now before my husband reads this and gets offended, let me be clear: he's a wonderful husband. But he's definitely not a prince. For starters, I found him on a dating app. Not exactly the fairy tale Disney had in mind. The funny thing is, now that I've been married for three years, I wouldn't have it any other way. The older I get, the more I realize real marriage is so much better than the fantasy version I imagined as a little girl.

The biggest surprise wasn't getting married. The biggest surprise was what happened afterward.

Planning our wedding felt like a full-time job. Every detail mattered. Every decision felt important. Looking back, saying "I do" was probably the easiest part of the entire process. The wedding itself came and went in what felt like the blink of an eye.

One minute you're planning centerpieces and seating charts, and the next you're putting away decorations and returning to normal life. Nobody really prepares you for that part. The wedding lasts a day. Marriage is everything that comes after it.

Before I got married, I thought marriage would be built around major milestones. Anniversaries. Vacations. Holidays. The big moments people post on social media. What I've learned is that marriage is mostly built on ordinary Tuesdays. It's grocery shopping together after work. It's running errands on your day off. It's watching Phillies games on the couch. It's talking about your jobs. It's talking about the news. It's talking about absolutely nothing important at all.

Some of my favorite moments with my husband aren't the ones we'd put in a photo album. They're the random conversations we have while driving somewhere or sitting in the living room at the end of a long day.

The truth is, I could never imagine not talking to him. The topic doesn't even matter.

Sometimes we're discussing something serious. Sometimes we're complaining about work. Sometimes we're trying to figure out what we want for dinner. I just enjoy doing life with him.

Of course, that doesn't mean he doesn't drive me crazy sometimes.

Every married person has something.

For me, it's coffee cups.

This man leaves coffee cups all over the house. The kitchen counter. The living room. The bedroom. Sometimes I genuinely wonder how many coffee cups one person can use in a single day. For years, I complained about it.Then he left for a four-day business trip. The house was spotless. No coffee cups. No little piles of things. No signs that he had been there. And honestly? I hated it. The house felt too quiet. Too clean. Too empty. That's when I realized something I never expected. The little things that annoy us about the people we love are often the same things that make a house feel like home. Don't worry though. I'm not telling him that.

Some secrets are best kept between girlfriends.

One of the biggest lessons marriage has taught me is that love doesn't always look romantic.

Sometimes love looks like flowers and date nights. But most of the time, it looks like showing up.

It looks like being there when life gets hard. It looks like answering the phone when someone needs you. It looks like helping solve problems instead of running from them.

Throughout our marriage, my husband has always been that person for me. When family members pass away. When life becomes stressful. When unexpected expenses show up. When I need help. He's there. He always seems to find a solution. He's the definition of a ride-or-die partner. And the older I get, the more I realize how valuable that really is.

If a young woman asked me what marriage is actually like, I'd tell her something simple.

Your husband should already feel like family. Not because he's perfect. Not because you'll never argue. Not because life will always be easy. But because he's the one person in the world who looked at all of you—the good, the bad, the flaws, the quirks, the baggage—and said: "That's my girl." There's something incredibly powerful about that. Maybe that's why marriage feels so different than I expected. It isn't built on grand gestures. It isn't built on perfect moments.

It's built on grocery store trips, coffee cups, baseball games, late-night conversations, and ordinary days that don't seem important while you're living them. Then one day you look back and realize those ordinary moments were actually the most important ones all along. Because marriage isn't built by a handful of extraordinary memories. It's built by thousands of small things.And honestly, that's my favorite part.

P.S. If my husband is reading this, go to sleep. You got out of work at 3 a.m., and I'm waking you up at 7.